Whether you are struggling with fatherhood, brotherhood, manhood, relationships, family, work, career change, loss, failure, low self-esteem, or other ongoing struggles, talking helps!
Statistics from the counselling and psychotherapy profession report that men seeking help suffer distress as often as woman. In fact, where suicide is concerned, the UK male suicide rates have been higher for men than they have been for woman over a 30 year period.
You don’t have to bottle it up!
My work in psychotherapy and education with males, suggests from a young age, boys are told they have to behave differently when it comes to their emotions, ie, ’stop crying’- demonstrates weakness. As life goes on, they grow into men believing certain stereotypes that being ‘a man’ refers to being brave, tough, the one in control and emotionless, put simply, they get the message that masculine is to ‘man up’, or ‘take it like a man’. Overtime, you internalise the idea that being ‘a man’ means you sort out problems without talking about them, or involving outsiders. In an attempt to suppress or mask feelings of inadequacy, males often bypass all the emotions and turn to .eg, denial, anger, pornography or become depressed. This can get in the way of a problem that you might benefit from talking through with someone without being judged and be supported to gain a deeper understanding of whats going on for you to sort the problem out.
“Looking back therapy was not what I thought it was going to be. Thank you for being so easy to talk too, respectful and giving me the space to work things out. It was the best thing I ever did for me. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Thank you Rae” Kris
Men DO cry, you don’t have to do it INSIDE
“Reducing anger & getting to the heart of the matter = Win-Win!”
Anger is a perfectly normal healthy emotion that can be productive in creating healthy boundaries or beneficial to motivate, protect, or defend yourself. One of the challenges with anger issues is the ‘anger’ and its consequences, anger often covers over the root cause of the problem.
Like all emotions, anger is telling us something, in the case of anger it tells us something is wrong, that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, or disappointment. Everybody has different triggers, if left unchecked, anger can make you react negatively.
“A lot of men go to to anger management because they get told to go by their partners. “Go get your anger issues fixed.” But what often gets overlooked, or rather ignored, is where a lot of anger issues in men come from.”
There are many reasons you may have trouble managing your anger. Anger often takes root in childhood experiences. Maybe it started with your brother insulting you, bullying, belittling, you witnessed violence at home, distorting how you view or experience anger, a withdrawal of love, unreasonable boss, or you haven’t yet learned how to deal with the emotions you feel inside. Whatever the reason, the next step is moving forward to work on ways to understand what triggers your anger and how to stay in control.
Having problems being stuck in anger can increase your risk for developing mental health concerns such as:
1. Mental Health. Anxiety, depression, eating problems, suicidal thoughts
2. Physical Health, high blood pressure, heart attack, strokes
If you find that your anger is costing you far too much in relation to your family, career, health, then perhaps its time you seek help, simply pick up the phone or fill-in an contact form and we can work together from there.
“Sometimes, the hurt is very real. In my life, the biggest pain has been love. Men don’t love easily, letting the guard down is hard, but when we do? We dive all in and in many cases without understanding the rules (who teaches us?) so we learn by error.”
At Private Counselling Nottingham, I will carry out a full and accurate assessment, listen to your situation to gain better insight for you to understand your feelings and connect with other feelings other than anger, and know the difference. Whatever the cause, I will dig deep enough to get to the root of the problem, and help you to manage your feelings appropriately and take full responsibility for what you feel you need and want in a healthy way, with the aim to create calm in your life. Taking the time to stand back and take care of yourself is literally priceless.
Working together will cover:
- Stop, think! – Explore the big picture.
- take full responsibility to learn from your actions.
- Explore strategies on how you’ll behave in certain situations ahead of time and find a way to control your emotions and “keep a cool head.”
- pay attention to what upsets you. To figure out what triggers angry feelings, and make decisions about how to manage these triggers.
- clean communication – learn how to express your feelings appropriately – less conflict, more honesty.
- Explore ways to assert yourself – expressing your feelings calmly without being emotionally charged.
- Learn ways to manage and reduce stress – resolve conflict.
Knowing how to get angry in a healthy way is vital so that anger becomes an asset not a problem.
Male Depression is more difficult to diagnose because most might not complain about the typical symptoms, and as a result, you are less likely to acknowledge distress.Too often, we do not recognise, acknowledge, or seek help for depression, you may be reluctant to talk about how you are feeling, perhaps deny your feelings, or possibly hide them from yourself and others for the sake of your job, eventually, overtime this can spiral out of control and become problematic. If left untreated depression can spiral out of control and lead to disharmony at home, difficulties at work and internal stress.
The least most commonly overlooked signs of depression are;
- Physical pain. – backache, frequent headaches, sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, or digestive disorders.
- Anger. Ranging from irritability, sensitivity to criticism, loss of sense of humour to road rage, sort temper, or even violence – abusive or controlling.
- Reckless behaviour. Risky behaviour, pursuing dangerous sports, driving recklessly, or engaging in unsafe sex, drink too much.
There’s no single cause of depression in men. Biological, psychological and social factors all play a part, as do lifestyle choices, relationships and coping skills. Stressful life events or anything that makes you feel helpless, profoundly sad, or overwhelmed by stress can also trigger depression, including;
- overwhelming stress at work or home
- marital or relationship problems
- breadwinning panic
- not reaching important goals
- losing or changing a job, embarking on military service
- financial – constant money problems
- recently quitting smoking
- death of a loved one, child, miscarriage
- family responsibilities such as, caring for children, spouse, or ageing parents
- retirement, loss of independence
- pressure – trying for a baby, IVF
- decreased interest in sex
While anyone can suffer from depression, there are some risk factors that make you more vulnerable, such as;
- loneliness and lack of social support
- inability to effectively deal with stress
- a history of alcohol or drug abuse
- early childhood trauma or abuse
- isolation with few social outlets
At Private Counselling Nottingham you don’t have to try to tough out depression on your own!
It can be a relief to get things off your chest, knowing you will be fully supported with someone who is trained and experienced in working with depression, in a safe and welcoming space for you to think out loud and express yourself at your own pace, without being judged. The aim is to help you feel better and have a better understanding of your options so you can get on with your life free from negative coping patterns, and able to enjoy your potential.
Counselling is well invested for getting your feet back on the ground so you can step back into the ‘drivers seat’ of your life by learning how to move forward and indicate your way to less stress and more ease.
Postnatal Depression in Men
Postnatel depression in men is unspoken of, but exists across relationships. Dads too are highly susceptible to developing the illness after the birth of your child. This has a significant impact on a new dads emotional wellbeing which can make you feel more vulnerable to developing symptoms of postnatal depression. Nowadays men are facing more increased pressures of fatherhood and associated responsibility. Like new mums, you may struggle with the financial pressures and change of lifestyle, creating higher rates of anxiety and depression following the birth of your child. Often men try to ignore the symptoms, because they fear to be seen as the ‘bad parent’ admitting you have a problem or fear you may lose your job.
Common causes include;
- a difficult labour – experience of a birth partner
- increased pressures of fatherhood and associated responsibility
- your baby is born prematurely, or is unwell
- sad memories have been stirred up after your baby was born, such as, loss of a parent
- reflections about your own childhood are triggered- unresolved
- strained relationship with their partner – before and during the pregnancy
- partner experiencing postnatal depression
At Private Counselling Nottingham, you don’t have to be strong and suffer in silence.
I will listen and help you to make sense of and cope with what you’re experiencing. It can be a relief to feel comfortable enough to open up about your problem without feeling ashamed or judged, and once processed and understood you can find a way forward at a pace that’s right for you and learn how to enjoy being a parent and invent your own version of how to be a father.
As a man, should I be anxious about counselling?
What is Counselling about?
The idea of seeking counselling may feel uneasy if you are unsure what it is about. Here are some key points of what the terms ‘counselling’, ‘psychotherapy’ and ‘therapy’ are about:
- during counselling or psychotherapy, no one will tell you what you should do.
- counselling and therapy are non-judgemental processes.
- during counselling, no one tells you how you should be feeling.
- counselling allows you to focus on troubling issues.
- counselling allows you to learn and understand your triggers.
- counselling and psychotherapy often deals with working life changes.
- steadily explore, understand and learn how to express your emotions appropriately.
- counselling can be about your mental health, emotions and well-being.
Whatever the problem, change is inevitable. Change can mean many things, such as; changing your mind, change of feeling, making a decision, changing your behaviour – action or letting go of whats keeping you stuck, whatever the concern, change can be a stranger you have yet to know positively, but with the strength of support and positive attention, change can help you enormously, to free you from your current position, improve your life and become your best friend.
Therapy gives you a conscious way of living your life accordingly, if you don’t have a conscious program, you are running on an unconscious program that will continually create dissatisfying outcomes in your life and can keep you feeling like a failure or disconnected.
If you are experiencing some of these symptoms yourself or within your family, give me a call or complete my contact form and I will get back to you within 24 hours.
PRIVATE COUNSELLING NOTTINGHAM
“I was broken from the end of my relationship but with Rae’s support I realised that the real me underneath that macho bravado was a nice lad who got lost in adulthood, my life has totally changed, in every way, now I’m playing my own tune. Rae tells it like it is, she’ll get you right. Respect!” S.C.
I see clients at the following times:
Monday - Thursday 1pm - 8pm
Please call for available times and dates, availability can vary at short notice.
All calls and messages are confidential. I take referrals from businesses - employee assistance programmes (EAP), GP’s and solicitors.
Telephone: 07555 298 298
Safe, light and peaceful... breathing space, where you can show up as you are.
Private Counselling and Psychotherapy in Nottingham For Women and Men of all Ages