Men

 …being a man does not mean sorting out your problems by yourself

Whether you are struggling with fatherhood, brotherhood, manhood. Relationships, family, work, or career change, can be challenging, if you’re experiencing ‘not being good enough’, with feelings of loss, failure, low self-esteem, or other ongoing struggles, talking helps!

…Looking back, therapy was not what I thought it was going to be. Thank you for being so easy to talk too, respectful and giving me the space to work things out. It was the best thing I ever did for me. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Thank you Rae – Tim (Officer)

At Private Counselling Nottingham we welcome men, working with males in a sensitive and beneficial way. Opening up about your feelings and talking it through with someone without being judged, to gain a deeper understanding of whats going on for you, can give you a sense of relief. You don’t have to figure things out on our own!

The aim is to help you to look out for yourself, similar to looking after a car, comparing regular maintenance and safety checks to keep to it running smoothly and ensure you stay in the drivers seat of your life and get the best out of your mind and stay healthy, and to know when things aren’t running smoothly, its time to book in for a service.

Acting like a man is nothing more and nothing less than having the courage to be true to yourself! To understand the trust of your essential nature, and to help vanquish whatever fears that would prevent you from acting in accordance with, doing it for yourself! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain  = Win Win!

You don’t have to bottle it up and try to figure things out on your own

To understand the difference of how we tick, it helps to acknowledge our background. From a young age, boys are told they have to behave differently than girls. When it comes to our emotions, the messages from family, friend, society and the media can be hard to ignore, particularly when we’re feeling low. This means we struggle with finding the language to express how they feel and find it hard to know where to turn to when it becomes impossible to ignore disturbing feelings, behaviours and physical symptoms.

Overtime, we internalise the idea that being ‘a man’ means we sort out problems without talking about them, or involving outsiders, being told; “boys don’t cry”, “man up”, “take it like a man” or we’re a failure if we have emotional or mental health needs. Part of what makes it difficult for us to recapture sensitivity, emotionality or vulnerability, which were socialised out of us, is the lack of adequate role models and then expected to imitate a female version.

I was broken from the end of my relationship but with Rae’s support I realised that the real me underneath that macho bravado was a nice lad who got lost in adulthood, my life has totally changed, in every way, now I’m playing my own tune. Rae tells it like it is, she’ll get you right. Respect! – Matt (musician)


When we’re ‘in trouble’ we tend to suppress or mask our feelings of inadequacy at home or work. Sometimes we bypass our feelings to feel better or avoid and turn to; gambling, alcohol, drugs, gaming, pornography, this can become a barrier, the problem persists, creating a vicious cycle of continually feeling low and bad about ourselves, or not feeling good enough.

Bad things can happen to men too

A few common reasons for contact;

  • relationship issues – trust, commitment, parenting, sibling rivalry
  • feeling torn – struggling to make decisions
  • feeling – not good enough – fear, shame
  • lack of adequate role models
  • lonelinessworking remotely
  • stress – tremendous pressure to provide financially for the family
  • difficulty expressing your feelings – struggling with intimacy and connection
  • anger issues – work, home, road rage
  • situations that are holding you back

HELP CAN PROVIDE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

Take a positive step today and contact – we can work together from there.

Anger

…the storm before the calm 

 
Anger is a perfectly normal healthy emotion that can be productive in creating healthy boundaries or beneficial to motivate, protect, or defend yourself. One of the challenges with anger is the consequences, anger often covers over the root cause of the problem. Like all emotions, anger is telling us something is wrong, that can trigger feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, or disappointment. Everybody has different triggers, if left unchecked, anger can make you react negatively.

 

Sometimes, the hurt is very real. In my life, the biggest pain has been love. Men don’t love easily, letting the guard down is hard, but when we do? We dive all in and in many cases without understanding the rules (who teaches us?) so we learn by error. Working with Rae has given me the confidence to know Ill never experience this again, I learned so much about myself… – Mike (sales)

There are many reasons you may have trouble managing your anger. Whatever the reason, the next step is moving forward to work on ways to understand what triggers your anger and how to manage it and stay in control.

Having problems being stuck in anger can increase our risk for developing health concerns:

  1. Mental Health. Anxiety, depression, eating problems, addictions, suicidal thoughts
  2. Physical Health. high blood pressure, heart attack, strokes

If you find that your anger is costing you far too much in relation to your family, work or health – not only for you but also your mates and family.

Take a positive step today and contact – we can work together from there.

Knowing how to get angry in a healthy way is vital so that anger becomes an asset not a problem.

At Private Counselling Nottingham, You don’t have to try to figure things out on your own!
I will carry out a full and accurate assessment, listen to your situation to gain a better insight for you to understand your situation and connect with other feelings other than anger, and know the difference. Whatever the cause, we will dig deep enough to get to the root of the problem and tackle the underlying issues that have started the anger, or anxiety and learn how to regain a sense of control over your emotions.

Male Depression 

…depression won’t get better by itself

 

Male Depression is more difficult to diagnose because most men don’t complain about the typical symptoms, and as a result, you are less likely to acknowledge distress.

Too often, we do not recognise, acknowledge, or seek help for depression, you may be reluctant to talk about how you are feeling, perhaps deny your feelings, or possibly hide them from yourself and others for the sake of your job, keeping silent is worse! Overtime this can spiral out of control and become problematic. If left untreated depression can spiral out of control and lead to disharmony at home, difficulties at work and internal stress.

 

Thank you for the amazing sessions, they have kept me afloat for the last year. Ive now moved on and had a traditional marriage to an old friend and our relationship is just amazing. We live together and will soon be blessed with a set of twins. As for my daughter, I see her regularly and know how to manage the hostile relationship with her mother. Had it not been for the sessions I’d had with you I’d still be going round in circles, so for that I thank you so much. God bless you, I hope more will benefit from your services. – Mr.C.
 

The least most commonly overlooked signs of depression are;

  1. Physical:  – backache, frequent headaches, feeling tired, or losing weight.
  2. Feelings: Mistaking irritability or anger for feeling low or sad, loneliness, sensitivity to criticism, unable to concentrate, loss of humour, to road rage/short tempered, inability to deal with stress
  3. Lose interest: contact with mates, sport, sex, work, going out, or past times.
  4. Reckless behaviour: Risky behaviour, pursuing dangerous sports, driving recklessly, or engaging in unsafe sex, drinking too much..

 

There’s no single cause of depression in men. Biological, psychological and social factors all play a part, as do lifestyle choices, relationships and coping skills. Loneliness is a key factor, either you live alone, the pressure to work and provide for the family leaves little time to socialise and catch up with mates. Staying connected is critical to our wellbeing, spending time with mates, talking in person. Looking after your body, being healthy and staying physically active, eating healthily and sleeping well helps to keep physically stay well, along with doing regular activities that keep us connected with people.

Stressful life events or anything that makes you feel low, helpless, profoundly sad, or overwhelmed by stress can trigger depression, including;

  • overwhelming stress at work or home
  • relationship problems – commitment, parenting
  • not reaching important goals, feeling stuck
  •  financial – constant money problems
  • divorce or separation
  • retirement, loss of independence, direction
  • family – sibling rivalry, expectations, traditions, difficult parents
  • pressure – trying for a baby, IVF


I know its hard to have a conversation about it, but keeping silent is worse


At Private Counselling Nottingham you don’t have to try to figure things out on your own!

The good news is there are actions you can take to combat depression. It can be a relief to get things off your chest, knowing you will be fully supported with someone who is trained and experienced in working with depression, in a safe and welcoming space for you to think out loud and express yourself at your own pace, without being judged. The aim is to help you to look out for yourself, similar to looking after a car, comparing regular maintenance and safety checks to keep to it running smoothly and ensure you stay in the drivers seat of your and get the best out of our minds and stay healthy.

Counselling is well invested for getting your feet back on the ground so you can step back into the ‘drivers seat’ of your life by learning how to move forward and navigate your way to less stress and more calm.

Take a positive step today and contact – we can work together from there.